I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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