Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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