Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize