quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
