another moral hangover. fuck.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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