It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
