how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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