pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
