just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
