God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
