my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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