I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
