How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
