all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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