Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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