I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
