It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
