I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
