you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
