I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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