i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
