i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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