atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
