She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he was CRYING into my vagina
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
