yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
