you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
