I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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