I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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