I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
