When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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