We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
