because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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