the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
