She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
