Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
