Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
