New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just googled if crying burns calories
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
