It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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