I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
