i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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