I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize