I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
