Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
