yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
