Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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