i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
