She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
