You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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