why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
