we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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