How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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