problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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