I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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