my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
