No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize