margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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