I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
