omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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