OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
