i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
