Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
