i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The struggles of a small town man whore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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