I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
