I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
