He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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