i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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