I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry about my life...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
