Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
