Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
