Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
